Happy New Year! | This WONDERfilled Life
Happy New Year! Can you believe it's not only 2020 but I haven't written here in months! I have had several blog posts drafted but just was to busy with other things to finalize and post them. I really struggled last fall with being OVER committed and hence, very much overwhelmed and frankly pretty darn stressed out. I am thankful for the experience though because I think it offered invaluable contrast and presented a much needed learning experience. Isn't it amazing? I am over 40 years old and I feel like I learn new (and often life changing) things all the time. Super is always talking about getting things to a "set it and forget it" stage and I think we've both just learned (and are finally accepting) that that just isn't really a thing.
I've never been one for New Years resolutions. I've always pretty much been of the mind set that if I want to change something today is as good as any, so I don't have any "resolutions" for the new year per se but I do have a few challenges for myself and they all start and end with ME. I am going to make a BIG statement...one that a lot of people may take offense to but... I am a better person when I put myself first. Bear with me on this...I already said I over committed myself last fall. P started school and I of course immediately volunteered for two of the three school support groups, the PTA and the "Friends of" organization as well as threw my hat in to be a "room parent". What. Was. I. Thinking.?!?!?! I have always loved being an active member in my community and thought these opportunities would be great...and they are...in small doses. The fact is that I am VERY particular in how I work, my expectations are ridiculously high and my work flow is very different than most. A lot of the time I get frustrated with others and in turn am probably not the most fun person to work with. It has taken me a long time to know this about myself and to try and be more aware of my expectations and attitude. Last fall I was so stressed out between volunteering for everything, working a full time job, keeping the house in order (not sure I even hit the mark on that one), guiding P thru her first few months of REAL school and it's regimented schedule and keeping a 2 and a half year old alive and happy most days. I was cranky and short with my family and hard on myself until I had several "ah ha" moments. I'll cut myself some slack because we all know that there really are a lot of "idiots" out there, people who are lazy, who think their time is more important and simply ignore deadlines or emails, etc. But the thing I have learned is that it is not their fault when I volunteer to do something knowing full well that the work or people I've signed up to work with will ultimately stress me out. I've learned to say "no" and "that doesn't work for me" and (here's the super important part) NOT FEEL GUILTY about it. It's not fair of me to be angry and short with someone when I volunteered to design X flier knowing full well that we only had a two week turn around, and as much as it tortures my "I want control" personality, I have learned that people will learn that if they want my work they will change their work flow to work with mine in the future, ie they will plan better in the future before asking. So I've gotten pretty good at saying things like "I'd love to help, I can have that done by X date" or "Shoot, I wish I could help but I'd need three weeks to complete a project of that size" and I leave all my guilt right there in that conversation and walk away. Don't get me wrong, it's still super enticing for me to say YES to everything I am asked...even the sh*t gigs(!) but I've learned that I am a happier person, and therefore a better mother, wife, musician, creator when I am not stressed out because I owe this organization this or that. I guess what I have learned is my limitations...and that most people don't notice the things that drive me nuts...so life will go on... no one will die because I didn't handle all aspects of said project...and my blood pressure and family will be much happier for it.
All that said I am excited to find a little more balance this coming year. I am still involved in all the organizations I was last fall but I've vowed to myself to really think about what/when I am asked to commit to things and to just say no when I need to (and leave the guilt behind). I've also learned to set limits, especially when I am doing things for FREE. I can often get caught up in things but I've become one with my phone timer and have found some success in setting limits for myself. It's okay to volunteer but it's not okay to spend all day working for FREE for other people or organizations. So I set a timer and when it rings I put it away for the day. I think that not only helps me set healthy boundaries and limitations on what I can do in a given time but it helps set a more realistic expectation from others.
While I didn't write much about creating last fall I did do a TON of it. I really missed writing this past year so I decided I needed a new personal challenge for 2020...but not as crazy as the 52WONDERfilled weeks challenge of 2018! So in 2020 I am introducing the 20IN20 challenge.
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